7 Christmas Gifts I Want but (Probably) Won’t Get as a Person With a Disability

Rocket wheelchair.

‘Tis the season for snow, seeing family, and of course making that all-important Christmas list! Would you believe I asked for a toilet this year? Yes, you might be a person with a disability if you’ve ever wanted a toilet as a Christmas present.

My unusual gift request led me to think about other, impossible-yet-possible things I’d really like to get for Christmas, but almost certainly won’t. Maybe some of them are on your list, too!

1. Convertible minivan. I have a Big Birthday coming up in two months. How am I supposed to have a proper midlife crisis while riding around looking like a soccer mom?

Nissan Evalia C convertible minivan.

The Nissan Evalia C convertible minivan. I wonder if it could tow a camper!

2. Flying wheelchair. It’s 2016… where’s my flying wheelchair? A close second choice would be nitro tanks with flames shooting out the back. I would also love one of those tank wheelchairs if they pulled the treads under the frame more so it could fit through doors!

Rocket wheelchair.

How can I get one?

3. For no one to assume “a cure for my disability” would be on this list. No, having cerebral palsy isn’t like frolicking in a field with shiny happy rainbow-pooping unicorns, but I have a pretty good life. I’ve accepted myself as I am, and I think I’m probably a better person than I would be if I didn’t have CP. In terms of Bad Things That Need to Be Cured, it falls pretty far down the list. Cancer on the other hand… F*** that s***. It took my mom when I was only 22, and this year, it got one of my best friends. And David Bowie and Alan Rickman. 2016, you were pure evil.

Poster with a unicorn that says Keep Calm and Poop Rainbows.

4. The Disability Integration Act a.k.a. the most important law you’ve never heard of. If you don’t want to spend your last years rotting in a nursing home, if you want your child with a disability to have a shot at living independently someday, you need to learn about this law. And call your Congress people and Senators and ask them to sponsor it. Even the Republicans. If they could realize it actually saves the government money over keeping people in nursing homes, we might have a chance.

Disability Integration Act.

5. A date with Idina Menzel. Yeah, I know what I need to do with this wish… Let It Go. But if you’re a less-famous but just as talented, lesbian version of her… give me a call. 😀

Idina Menzel posing sexy in fishnet stockings..

The gorgeous and talented Idina Menzel.

6. Trump impeached, Mike Pence resigns after sex scandal involving male escorts. All before they have a chance to cut off my home care, my friends’ health care, imprison or deport anyone. On a related note, if you’re in the New York City area, keep an eye out for Mike Hot-Pence. He’s a gay Pence look-alike who is out there raising money for LGBT causes, Planned Parenthood, and more!

7. Last but not least, my dream camper so I can do more traveling. I love my job, and I want to be able to work and travel more at the same time. My best option for affordable accommodations on the road would be a camper, so I can bring an accessible place to stay with me. My plan is to work towards this dream by saving money and writing more in hopes of finding a sponsor. If you’re a travel or transportation related company who’s up for working with a fun and occasionally sassy blogger like me, drop me a line!

Ice Castle Fish House wheelchair accessible camper.

A wheelchair accessible camper, similar to what I want.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday. May all your wishes, no matter how improbable, come true! See you on the road in 2017!

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